Getting through
I’m still getting through each day. There are good bits and bad bits, and at the moment more bad than good but I’m getting through. It’s definitely not easy, and it’s not really getting easier yet.
After showing the signal for quiet today and waiting five minutes, I asked a child who was listening to come out to the front and make the signal with me. Ten minutes later when we were both still standing there I got her to stand on the desk at the front of the class and make the signal. I made every precaution to ensure she was safe in case you’re thinking about health and safety. It took a couple of minutes, and there were children in the class shouting about why she was on the desk but it actually did have an impact and they quietened down so I could speak to them. I might start bringing the children who are being quiet out to the front more ‘to set a good example’, although I won’t be getting them all to stand on tables! It was a spur of the moment thing but it worked well enough so that was a good thing.
That same child gave me one of those ‘Worth It’ moments yesterday. I was out of the classroom most of the day with NQT time and PPA so I only had them for 45 mins in the morning and 15 mins at the end of the day. The morning session went fine, which was lovely after my total low point on Monday, but the last 15 minutes were a real nightmare, so I was totally frazzled by the end of the day. This girl’s mum hadn’t turned up on time to pick her up so I was just chatting to her while we were waiting and I asked her if she’d had a good day without me. She said she hadn’t and I was really shocked because they’d done loads of exciting things with different teachers throughout the day so I thought something bad must have happened to her at some point and asked her why not. She said,
“It was ok but I like you the best.”
It’s only a little thing, and she might well have said it to any and every teacher at some point or another but it just gave me a little pick me up that I needed.
I’m having good moments and bad moments, but one of my little monkeys showed a real turnaround in attitude, behaviour and effort today after spending some time with the deputy and i was amazed by the work he did for me this afternoon. I’ve made a massive fuss over how wonderful it is and praised him in front of the whole class (who gave him a round of applause of their own accord which I thought was really nice), so hopefully it’ll carry over until tomorrow. I’m wary of getting my hopes up with this particular child though so I won’t believe it until I see it.
The problem with a lot of them is that they just need some nurturing and some positive attention, and to learn that they can trust me, that I will always be there, I will always expect the same. Due to their backgrounds this is especially hard for some children and I understand that. That’s why I feel like such a bitch shouting at them or taking their Golden Time away because I can understand exactly why they’re playing up. They just need to learn that it’s not appropriate behaviour in the classroom. Some of them really do just need to be loved, to understand that someone actually cares about them, and I’m trying to do that too.
It’s hard. It’s really hard.